Setting boundaries for yourself isn’t easy especially if you have never thought of setting boundaries or even thought you needed to.
I now feel comfortable about setting boundaries. I certainly needed them. No one was around to pull me out a toxic relationship before I married into it, if others even noticed. Who is to say that anyone will get involved if I were to get involved in any type of relationship that could possibly be toxic again? I cannot depend on anyone to look over my shoulder and say, “Hey, you know, I don’t think this guy is the right guy for you.” I need to first be educated on what is right or wrong for myself.
I am so tired of head games. Anytime I feel deep within that something is not right, I will have to practice to walk away. It’s not healthy to stay just because you feel guilty or sorry for anyone. The faster you cut ties with someone you know is not the right fit the better off you are.
Healthy Boundaries mean boundaries understood by everyone. Never feel like you are hurting anyones feelings by your boundaries. Absolutely no one should be angry or upset by practical and understandable boundaries. If someone does not understand, then they know where you stand and you have saved yourself from many years of disrespect and abuse. Your boundaries should be accepted and understood by all those who want to be in your life otherwise, they know where the door is. Don’t be afraid to show them the “EXIT” sign.
I personally never heard the words phrased “I am sorry” all by itself. It was ALWAYS “I’m sorry IF” ….. That is not an apology in my book but for 30+ years, although never comfortable about it, I gave in.
If your boundaries are broken constantly it’s purposely done. Believe it or not, toxic people have their boundaries and you would think they would respect others and their boundaries! Abusers don’t care about anyone else’s boundaries. They believe they are above it all and can get away with anything because they find themselves to be so special. Don’t give into that! Giving them the green light to do as they please, because you didn’t stand your ground, will have them just blame you for their behavior!
STAND YOUR GROUND!!! Be strong Say the word NO A TRILLION TIMES in the mirror if you have to before getting involved with anyone! Get comfortable with that word! It protects YOU! Trust in yourself! Believe in yourself! Take the responsibility to shield yourself from toxic people who look to ruin the lives of others only because they are so ruined inside themselves! You cannot heal them by being there for them. I know that first hand! I am not trying to be mean or discourteous to people who have major behavioral disorders, but they live their lives just fine. They feel nothing is wrong with them and do not feel the need to seek help. But they will ruin your life so keep away!
Make a List for yourself. This aids in helping yourself remember what didn’t make your previous relationship work for you. OR if you have not dated yet, THEN MAKE SURE you start by never dating anyone who treats you any other way but respectful. Everyone should have a list of boundaries.
Here are a few to start you off:
- NO Name calling
- IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE Demeaning
- THERE WILL NOT BE ANY Lying
- NO Cheating
- NO Pornography
- Lateness, In Calling or in Meeting Up (IF NOT ON TIME YOU LEAVE or don’t pick up the phone if you cannot)
- Being on the phone while together is disrespectful
- MUST Give clear explanations to questions asked (I never got a straight answer)
- When making plans or decisions, BOTH should always be involved and it should always be appreciated.
Add to this list and make it yours.
One party cannot take more control over the relationship than the other. Every one should have their say and play their own part and be comfortable. Each should put in their 100%. If you feel you are putting in your 100% and then some you have to know the balance is off and YOU should be off and on your way.
BE GOOD TO YOU!!
YOU DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST!!
YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOU!!
YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!!
God Bless You!!