It’s Not You’re Fault!

IF YOU ARE HERE   because you just read the answer to the question you keep asking yourself, you are a victim of emotional abuse.

Where do I begin? First, I’d like to say, for years I have asked myself the very same question until I was able to “Google” the question and find the answers I have looked for, ten years ago. There is so much I want to say because there is so much I feel I NEED to say to define what you are going through. There are so many different types of abuse that can occur within the home.  Most times ALL abusers abuse behind closed doors. That is when their prey is most vulnerable . But, I’m sure you already knew that.

Let me ask you this… Have you ever felt you’ve had a REAL conversation with them? Was there ever a time you felt good about the conversation you’ve just had? Was it a feel-good, heart to heart talk? Was there ever a compromise? OR  Do you feel you struggle with your feelings after every conversation?  Always questioning yourself or putting yourself down because you felt embarrassed and afraid? Always try to look for different ways to explain yourself? HOW FRUSTRATING!!! Do you realize the only reason they begin to speak to you is only because they need to listen to themselves speak?  They only expect you to agree to everything they say and we do it! WHY? Because we are mentally and emotionally drained and want to keep the peace. We reluctantly raise that white flag and try to move on. Honestly? Moving on, each time, is like walking through mud!  

There are so many of us that are being emotionally abused and don’t  even know it!

The Emotional Abuser uses verbally abusive ways.  Verbal abuse isn’t always the typical degrading words you already know. There are verbal abusers that don’t use words that are typical unfavorable kind. This type of verbal abuse is more covert, it’s more in a manipulative and passive aggressive way.

Barrie Davenport, Life Coach, Teacher and Author has this perfectly summed up. And I quote:

“They use a subtle form of verbal abuse that infects people over time and slowly erodes their self-esteem, confidence, and trust. This kind of verbal abuse is so convoluted and disconcerting that it’s difficult to call it out and take action. Because it can’t be clearly defined, the recipient may believe she’s imagining it, or even worse, the cause of it.”

Grooming your mind to have full control. Full control means they can and will be able to do anything and say anything they want and get their way all the time without a thought to what happens to you. You exist only to serve them. Infuriating!

It’s all the subtleties of Belittling, Undermining, Put-downs, Blaming, Discounting, (Purposely) Forgetting, Controlling, Withholding, Trivializing, Demeaning, Humiliating, Intimidating, Ordering, Subtle Threats (divorce), that keeps us here.  A mind control that makes you feel you are gagged and in chains. You are deliberately being devalued. You are made to feel worthless! You start to feel you are slowly eroding away. You find yourself in a constant state of fear and insecurity. You are always anxious and depressed and unable to explain this to anyone!

In the exhausting and debilitating life that is lead, we are afraid to move away from where we are because WE FEAR no one will accept us. WE FEAR we aren’t good enough. WE FEAR we wouldn’t be able to support ourselves and the children because we are kept financially hostage. WE FEAR no one would ever believe what we’ve been through all these years and we will AGAIN be the one to look bad!

I am here because I have gone through this for so many years. I understand the struggles and frustrations.The scars are there and are very real and I believe it to be a constant reminder to keep away from those who feel so entitled. OUR LIVES belong to us! WE need to be happy with OUR lives with OURselves! NO ONE has any right to judge YOU as you pave your path away from this toxicity!

FORGIVE YOURSELF and begin to love yourself again!

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your own actions and NEVER the actions of anyone else!

It’s important to empower ourselves! Begin to understand our sense of self worth! Regain our confidence and organize our minds with set boundaries! Put up the walls necessary to protect ourselves and keep them there! Not be afraid to be an individual! Not have to worry about ever explaining ourselves to anyone! This is the way back to self respect! We deserve to be who we really are!

YOU are in Control of YOU!!

YOU Are Never Alone!!

God Bless You!!